Because I have nothing better to do at home in the middle of the night and because it’s a rare occurrence, I decided to bundle up and watch the lunar eclipse. It was pretty cool, but more importantly than that, it made me sit outside alone in the quiet. (Well that’s a lie..something was rustling in the woods, either a cow, coyote, or a criminal..) This is something I don’t do much of. Quiet. Alone. Athens is a pleasantly busy place buzzing with noise and people and provides me constant activity to stay engaged in and constant companionship when needed. Home isn’t like that anymore. It is quiet. It is boring. It leaves me alone to my thoughts, fears, doubts, and convictions, without providing me a means of working through them or ignoring them. So since I did not tucker out when the moon finally did, I decided to write another one of my cheesy poems, which I haven’t done in a long time. And since I’ve saved the past 3 blogs I’ve written as drafts, I’m posting this one!

In the beginning, You were the light

A blaze of glory, You shone so bright

In the beginning, I was mere dirt

A tiny, insignificant ball from birth

But the sun saw the moon

yeah, the sun saw the moon

And it knew

Without You I am nothing

Yeah, without You I blend into blue

But since You’ve smiled at me

I radiate the night time with You

In the night I turned away

to my dark side, I staked a claim

In the night, the man on me rose

He shone so bright while the mysterious side froze

But the world saw the moon

and it blocked the sun’s view

and the moon saw them too

With You I can be a star

Yeah, with You I can get songs written too

But since they’ve smiled at me

I’ve forgotten who’s shining for whom

In the end, a lunar eclipse

A blanket of darkness, for You were missed

In the end, my dust is still dust

Only in your light can they put their trust

Then the moon saw the sun

as a new night begun

and they both knew

Without You I am nothing

Yeah, without You I blend into blue

But since You’ve smiled at me

I will forever shine only for You

I shine not at all

if not shining for You.

I am blessed with the opportunity to profess God’s name in many different ways. It is easy to get so caught up in the performance that I forget who I’m worshipping in the first place. My faith tends to do fine in the fire of a busy life, but I can see it flicker out in quiet moments like this. This leads me to believe that my heart isn’t really on fire for God in the first place. It is on fire with passion for the ministries I’m in, fueled by practices and performances and meetings and groups and when all of that is stripped away, my fire is gone. While I hate feeling stuck in a vacuum, this is a much needed break to do a heart check and a motivation check.

Like the moon, I was not made to shine on my own. I want to shine not at all, if not shining for You.