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May 9, 2010

Insomnia strikes again..even though I would love nothing more than to be asleep right now. In the meantime, some stream of conscience flowing from my head to my phone to this blog.

I’ve always been a tad bit jealous of Jesus’s discipes. You couldn’t ask for a better friend than Christ himself..in the flesh! He cared so much and was probably really intuitive and supportive. He knew his friends’ hearts better than they knew themselves and he gave them everything he had to offer.
I’ve also always wondered who took care of him. Who did he get his support from? The Bible’s never mentioned to my knowledge of any of the disciples inquiring about Jesus’s feelings. They sought out his wisdom and his advice and his power all the time. I wonder how often they sought out his heart for his own sake.
It’s always really irked me when I read about the Garden of Gethsemene and Jesus asks his disciples to stay up and pray with him and they all fall asleep. Jesus was sweating drops of blood. How much more evident could it be that he was upset? What more did he need to do to let them know? And his best friends couldn’t even be bothered to stay up and pray with him? After all that he did for each of them?
But of course, I can’t recall any time that Jesus ever complained about it or got mad at them. Surely he got frustrated and disappointed and lonely. But he did not hold back. He just kept giving all he could to them because he loved them with the kind of selflessness I hardly dream of possessing.
Selfless love…is real. It’s difficult and painful. Selfless love..I’d take it any day over warm and fuzzy surface love.

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