May 5, 2010
These words are not enough.
Your love is perfect and Your grace is more than I could ever pretend to deserve. You are holy and perfect and glorious. I am dirty and sinful and worthless and fully undeserving of Your love and affection. I show You hate. I hate You when I put you at the bottom of my to-do list, which I never get to. I hate You when I seek acceptance from my friends before You. I hate You when I judge others. I hate You with my sinful thoughts. I hate You when I lie and cheat. I hate You when I overlook the needs of others and seek to please myself.
I hate myself for hating You. I long to love You with all of my heart, thoughts, and actions. I long to love You by loving myself and loving others. I long to live loved and live out love.
I cannot embrace love where I hold on to hate. Release me from the hate I cling to. The hate I express to You, the hate I feed off myself, the hate I harbor for those who have hurt me and even the strangers I do not know. Bless me with love for the unloveable. Set my heart on fire for the coldhearted. Fill the empty corners of my heart with Your love and compassion. Fill the loneliness with content. Fill the self-doubt with Your confidence and the fears with Your boldness.
Wake up my slumbering soul and light it with passion for You and Your children. Exchange the hate and bitterness for love and grace. Warm the cold insides and melt the frozen edges.
Fill my heart with Your love, so it can fill me and spill out to those around me, spreading across the nations.
My love is quiet. My love is weak. My love is selfish. Grudging. Limited. Picky. Subjective. Jealous of others. Tainted. Fleeting. Timid. Scared. Naive. Inconsistent. Tired. Scarred. Proud. Shallow. Tame. Dead. Cold. Insignificant. Boring.
Your love is loud. Your love is strong. Your love is sacrificial. Forgiving. Unbounded. All-Encompassing. Undettered. Jealous for others. Pure. Steadfast. Bold. Brave. Wise. Constant. Invigorated. Whole. Humble. Deep. Crazy. Alive. On Fire. Vital. Extravagent.
I thirst for Your love. I starve myself and others with my own sad excuse for love. Fill me with Your love. Move me with Your love.