April 1, 2010
The past 7 days have been the absolute longest of my entire life. Seven days spent recovering and picking ourselves back up. The past 7 days have been about being there for each other and nothing else matters. Ultimately, seven days detached from real life.
We’ve spent a lot of time remembering happy moments with Karl which always lead to the sadness of the realization that there won’t be any more. We’ve spent a lot of time (but not too much time) cycling through “what-if” scenarios. A lot of time in grief, a lot of time in fondness, a lot of time in regret. A perpetual state of nausea and nightmares.
Although I have not discovered the meaning of this yet, and I’m not quite sure I ever will, I have learned a few important lessons. One: to love your friends and let them know it every day. Tell them how much they mean to you so they won’t ever forget it. Two: Be real. It’s okay to let your friends know when you need them. You can’t help them unless you allow them to help you in return. Three: Live now. And I don’t mean live in the now in the sense that you live stupid without a care for tomorrow. But keep it in mind that we aren’t promised tomorrow and don’t leave words unspoken or dreams unfulfilled.
It’s been hard not to wonder why the rest of the world hasn’t stopped turning as well. When the lady at the gas station asks if I’m having a good day I want to ask her if she’s crazy and when my drama tells me to look more excited I want to excitedly exit the theater. Don’t they realize who is missing?
So, long story short, I have abandoned my real life for a week and detached myself from any real responsibility and expectation. And it just came to my full attention recently that I’m forreal abandoning my life in 3 days to go to Haiti for a week. Oh yeah. That.
It totally slipped my mind that I’m leaving on the Spring Break trip I’ve been so excited about for so long. I’m not ready. Not just because I haven’t packed/don’t have a clue what to pack/don’t even know what we’re doing, but because I haven’t been preparing myself mentally or spiritually. (Not to mention how much I hate having to leave my friends right now, but we are called to drop and things and go, so go I must.)
Don’t get me wrong. There’s a lot to prepare for physically. I’ve been told to bring a few things: a tent to stay in all week, baby wipes for bathing, granola bars for the strong chance there is little food to eat, lots of heavy work gloves, light sheets since it’ll be in the 90s even at night, and a great attitude. I’m beginning to think the attitude is going to be the key supply here. It’s going to be a rough trip and I am excited about it. But I need to try and direct my focus towards it in the next 2 days or it’s going to be a miserable and wasted trip.
My hopes for next week are that I can experience God in new ways and hopefully grow/mature a little in my serving. I’ve been on some tough trips, but this one will definitely be a test. I hope God can use us in some way to offer some much needed relief and be a blessing to the refugees in Haiti and Dominican Republic. Of course, I hope for safety for Erik and I, but more than that I pray that God’s will be done and He be glorified, however that need happen.
Until then, I’ll be trying to attach my mind and heart to this trip.
Until departure, much love <3